dear caty,
im glad you havent had any anxiety but dont put too much on your plate. i could handle it while i was in high school. because high school was easy. and aaron and i were perfect. we had fights but we were all good.and my job was easy and i enjoyed it for the most part. but then i got drama with the boys, i started college, and dunkin was tuning into taco bell. and as much as i loved taco bell, it was nothing compared to how i loved dunkin for a while. and it ended up being too much for me to handle. i hope it all works out for you though. nate sounds nice. this might sound cliche and bitchy but try to keep him interested though. like i always did so much that when i was with aaron all we did was hang out and like watch tv and he never said anything to me but later on i found out he said things to other people. like what he said to desire. remember? i think youll be fine but you never know. just something to keep in mind. you dont have to learn from my experiences though because i know i dont learn from anyone elses but my own.
this whole time i wanted to go back to the old me. the old, happy me. the girl that was always cheerful and hyper and happy and always had a smile on her face. but life doesnt go backwards. it only moves forward. so ive got to move forward too. i keep saying im going to work on me but im just not motivated to do so. i need to cut out part of the world for now including internet and stuff. soo i wanna let you know now i might not be in contact very much for a little while. i kind of want to shut off my phone and my facebook and stuff just for a little while to really focus on myself. idk how well itll work or how long but i can try. blaaaah idk. i feel like i sound so depressing lol. im sorry. well ill let you get back to your life now.
ihy
dana

dear dumb whore,
of course i forgive you. i wasn't exactly mad at you. i just had an opinion, and was thinking back to when we were younger and i'd actually tell someone my opinion and everyone thought i was a bitch. i spend so much time now biting my tongue to avoid that bitch label, and as much as i'm over the drama that being a bitch usually causes, i still think people need to be put in their place sometimes. i knew you'd come to me when you were ready, but i had to put you in your place for being a crap friend.
anyway, your long letter was lovely and nicely written. i'm glad school's going well for you. the whole dunkin donuts thing is crazy. who didn't quit or get fired? i'm proud of you for walking out. it's not mature, but quitting a job like that is something everyone should probably do once.
i'm also glad you're just going to be single for awhile. you got so confused and conflicted being torn between two guys. it's better for you to just take some you-time and enjoy college and enjoy having free time until you get a new job. that's all really good, and i'm sure you know that you have to enjoy it while it lasts.
as for me...for once, i've been in school almost a month and i haven't gotten any bad anxiety yet. i think it's mostly because i don't have enough free time to be anxious or depressed. i'm getting pretty burnt out but i make $140 this week and $165 next week. i don't know how you held a job and school and a boyfriend for so long. nate's been suffering because i'm so tired and burnt out. even when we're together, i take naps in his lap most of the time. but he did buy me icecream and chocolate last week so i think he's trying to make me feel better. he's a nice kid i guess. not much else has been going on. just me being tired haha.
love,
caty

dear caty,
im sorry  that ive been off. ive been going through what is a lot for me to handle. i was going to tell you about my life but then it became too much for even me so i decided to wait until things were more calm to tell you. plus my mind kept changing about a lot so i didnt want to tell you something when its changing every other day. i know i should have told you at least this much earlier but i couldnt even think straight. so im sorry. if you could  forgive me id like to tell you about my life now.
school. school is alright. i like most of my classes. theyre pretty boring but theyre not too difficult. and i have a slight interest in them. thats always good. on mwf (mondaywednesdayfriday) i have statistics at 11am. which is really boring and i took a test the other day and i think i totally bombed it. then i have microeconomics at 12pm. thats a little interesting. the teacher knows me as the girl that works at dunkin donuts and every time he does attendance he has to  mention dunkin donuts when he gets to me. (although i quit my job, i dont want to crush his dreams so i let him think i still work there... but the quitting thing ill talk about next). then i have gym at 1pm. i like my gym class. it actually motivates me to work out and stuff. my teacher is really nice and has a really soft voice. thats just something i noticed about her. thats it on mwf. then on th (tuesdaythursday)(yeah h is thursday... mad dumb) i have business at 930am. thats a fun class. my teacher kind of reminds me of my grampa... the one with no toes. the only thing i dont like is that he calls on random people and asks them questions. i mean i guess thats good cause itll make people talk so they cant be shy and stuff but i hate it! then i have a break from 11 to 12. i have lunch with tiffany and this girl i went to wilson with named monika. then i have accounting at 12pm. this class is my favorite. its not too difficult and i honestly dont know why i like it, but i do. one thing about school that im learning is that you have to do homework and read the books you get for class or else. youll be screwed if you dont. if you read the books and actually take in the information then youll be set. tiffany is a help. she makes sure i do my homework sometimes lol. sooo thats it for school i guess.
work. well i became a shift leader and everything was going good. i was getting a lottt of hours and i was very satisfied. then sherley quit. thats when everything started falling apart. sherley was like ourmother and when she quit it was like a bunch of teenagers trying to live by themselves. we all knew what to do and everything but without her telling us what to do we couldnt like think of it, you know? everyone thought they could slack off and do what they wanted and a lot of stuff wasnt getting done. then we got this new manager named cassey. cassey is a bitch. worse than sherley because she was less professional. but it was alright i guess. then one day i called in sick. it was a friday. cassey was all "you need a doctors note blah blah" sooo i went in on saturday to work with no doctors note because 1) the doctors were closed friday night and 2) it wasnt that serious of a sickness. so anyways she asked if i had one and i said no and she told me to go home. so then i went in on monday to work and the same thing happened. she said i cant come back to work until i get a doctors note. sooo i called the owner and talked to him about it. im like how do i get a doctors note from like 4 days ago? thats not possible. so he said i can go back to work and not to worry about it. so on wednesday i went back to work. i wasnt really feeling it though. the whole dunkin donuts thing. everyone was either quitting or getting fired and everything was still a mess and everyone started acting like little kids talking shit about everyone and i was so tired of it. so on friday my coworker emily was like "lets walk out together" so we did. i went on break, i left the store, and i didnt come back. i know that wasnt very professional but whatever. its too late to go back now. we called cassey while we were walking home and told her that we had left. and thats that. so now im unemployed but i have an interview with that vector cutco stuff that jess is doing on friday. idk how well thatll work but whatevs.
boys. keaven. aaron. i know what you probably think. well what you do think, im an idiot. i was going back and forth between aaron and keaven as you know and i couldnt make up my mind. sooo i decided to be with keaven. bam. so that happened. but now im single again. cause im a dumb whore who cant make up her damn mind and ugh. i feel awful. i hurt aaron so much and he forgave me and were working on things. i broke up with keaven yesterday and weve been talking about it a little. i know i hurt him too which makes me suck more. im gonna see him today to give him a few things i have of his back  and so we can talk a little more face to face. i know he likes me and wants to be with me but i was afraid if i kept the relationship going i would end up just hurting him in the future when he had stronger feelings. blah i shouldnt have dated him in the first place. i shouldnt have ever kissed him or anything. but im a dumb whore and all this happened and now im just stuck. aaron said  i can do what i want but if i want him i have to be faithful and committed and drop keaven completely and we still wont be together for a while. which i completely understand. they both want me to be happy and thats the part that sucks. they are honestly two really nice guys and i managed to hurt both of them. so right now im just me. no boyfriend. no commitment to anyone. i guess thats it.
oh and yesterday my mom pissed me off talking about how i never do anything and it just really upset me and so i left the house and just started walking. i walked to taco bell and back home. i was gone for a total of 3 hours. its about an hour walk each way plus i stayed there for a little bit and then side tracked to 711 on my way home. i was gone from 8pm to 11pm. and it made me feel a little better i guess. i was in like depressed mode last night. whatevs. ill always keep a smile on my face no matter how im feeling because im just that type of person.
i hope you forgave me and enjoyed my extremely long letter. uhh... feel free to call me a dumb whore or anything like that. i hope youre having a lovely day.
ihy
dana

dear dana,
i think you're being an idiot and it's bullshit that you're shutting me out. all of a sudden i have to watch what i say around you, and you can barely stand to be around me. and seriously, YOU started up the stupid letter thing again and you can't even respond to me or talk to me at all. if you didn't care, you shouldn't have bothered.
that's just bullshit. and on top of it, now you're dating that idiot or whatever and i find out via facebook? you can't even TALK to me?
whatever phase you're going through, that's great go through it. but atleast when me and jess went through our phases, we let eachother know that we had other shit going on instead of just pretending we weren't even friends.
i know you probably don't even care, but i had to get it out so do with this what you will.

dear dana,
so i thought i'd give you an update. this update comes to you in three parts: school, work, and nate.
part one: school. which sucks, but it's my last year so YAY! of course i have anxiety again. and i have, what my friend xavier called "that booty lunch period," because i have 4th and everyone else who doesn't suck has 6th. but on the brightside, i have some decent classes and nate is in 2 of them. and i have first period free and so do like, 5 other people including lopez and mariah and nate so that won't suck. and i'm signed up for the SAT in october....which will probably be lame. but the first "week" (it was only 3 days) sucked and stressed me out so me and mary went and got my nose pierced and it hurt like a bitch (but you know that cuz i already told you) but it upset nate and i offered to take it out and then he was more upset cuz i shouldn't change anything just because....waiiiiit. whoops. sorry he has his own section down below. To Be Continued....
part two: work. i don't if i told you this yet but i got a job at tops and my first day was saturday. it was just orientation but it lasted foreverrrrr and now i get to wear a snazzy black and red shirt and a nametag and this girl lillie seriously REQUESTED a hat. that ugly ass tops hat...she's a mess. so i'm not very excited to like, work a cash register and be pleasant to customers yuckkk. but i work in brighton incase you wanna come visit ;) but don't buy any perishables cuz tops is ratchet as fuck and everything is moldy (bad advertising 2012 (speaking of which, are you voting this year???)) but i'll have a paycheck which is nice and i'll take you out to dinner after i get that cash flowwww.
part three: nate. so to continue, nate got upset cuz he doesn't want me doing things for his benefit because it's my body and my nose and he thinks i'm beautiful anyway and it's none of his business what i get pierced and i could "tattoo your face and your entire body and you'd still be beautiful" so that ended that but i took it out anyway cuz i wanted him to be happy and i didn't like it that much and it's not like i was sacrificiing anything like if he asked me to murder my dog or something. and i told him i love him which is a given and he said it back obviously and that was nice so that's my update
how are you? what's new?
love,
caty

dear caty,

okay. this letter started off by like i hump you and i hope youre right. then went on to how you took a year off from school so you deserve an extra one! but im glad youll have nate. uhh... then i went on about work. oh yeah how i was glad i got to see you and hug you. so then i started talking about work and how im gonna be a shift leader and ill get paid 8 dollars an hour compared to the 7.60 i made when i started and 7.75 which i get now. sooo yeah. then i was saying how sherley, my boss, is always super bitch but has been being nice to me lately and i think its cause i have ambition like you said. i made her laugh... she smiled and told me all about our new items... she said please when she never says that to anyone... and she texted me saying "thanks a bunch for being efficient." when i let her know i left my school schedule on her desk. yada yada yada... yeah that pretty much sums it up... not half as great though. my other letter sounded way more happy, excited, cheerful about everything and this one is like "fuck im saying everything again so im gonna be dull." i hope you enjoyed it... the end.
ihy
dana

dana,
i don't think you'll have trouble fitting work and school both into your schedule. you're ambitious like that: you were the first of us to get a job, and the first to get her license. i think you'll do fine. you should be excited for college. it's a new experience. i'm jealous that you've already graduated and get to go to college!!! i have to suffer through another year of stupid goddamn high school. atleast i'll have nate- that's the only good thing about this year.
i'm glad you and aaron have come to some agreement. hopefully it works for you. i'm just rooting for you to be happy, you know that.
love,
caty