dear caty,
i took this awesome bird whistle thing from mr parisi today. you put water in it ((weird i know)) and then blow into it and it like makes bird noises. hahaha. so this weekend im going to your house... well since this has already happened i went to your house. but this is probably gonna say posted on... some day before the weekend. so ill tell it like it hasnt happened yet. im gonna go to gvp with you. we are going to see chandler and hes gonna be a little bitch to us when we give him a present. a domo! then we're gonna have a water balloon fight with the boys and throw cupcakes at people. it will be very fun. me and your brother will both fall and everyone will laugh. i will get mud all over my butt. then i will sleep over and we will go to the mall the next day. we will shop around. get movie tickets to see UP which we wont be able to see the whole thing. then we'll have a fight! then we make up buy me buying us donuts. then my mommy will pick us up and we will give some guys our numbers. tis very fun. then we'll both go home. great weekend! :]
then monday ((tomorrow)) you will come to my last concert at foundation. it shall be sad. then we will go to class wars together on tuesday and wednesday. ooh! i might even get a phone monday! and then thursday i will be gone. im sorry. but friday maybe we can have yet another sleepover! sounds like fun huh? yeah i thought so too. then on the 24th you will come to school with me and everyone will think you're a 9th grader even though... you are... but not at my school. oooh and b-t-dubbs. UP was a suckass movie. nobody should see it. it was ehh.

byeeeeeeee!

dana.

p.s. i dont know where my signature went hahaha. ill fix it eventually.

dear dana,

*laughs histerically* chandler's mommy is such a badass. we should be friends with her! and don't even lie to yourself and say you don't have a good guy. b.l. brandon lopez! the lurve of your life, bryandon. yes, him. you're going on a date with him today. (another one!!!) oh oh. and don't forget about dylan/dylan/dylan. there's so many to choose from! and you're going to marry one. and then, we'll be married to boys with...almost the same name. except when we yell at them they'll both be like "whattt? what did i doooo?!' because their names sound the same. where was i? oh, right. boys who love dana. and remember me telling you about mark, the wegmans helping hand? well, he was cute and i think i should hook you up with him, because...guess what?! he has braces. just like somebody pretty i know! (you.)

also, there are other things for me to tell you where there are no wandering eyes so when you get home from your after-school date with brandon and you call me, i will tell you these things.

dear caty,
it's great that you'r happy again! we all should be. and ya know what? im happy too. i may not have a great guy or anything but i dont need one. i have great friends. and that whole thing with chandler last night, well, i dont think im gonna go be upset bout it. i cant control who he likes. i even like one of his friends. and its not like im his girlfriends anymore so it shouldnt matter. so it wont. i even laughed at him today in band. *flash back* we were in band and chandler asked to call his mom. mr parisi said ok. chandler called his mom then hung up after. i said "mr parisi hes not allowed to use your phone anymore because he didnt say 'i love you'!!" mr parisi said "yeah thats true. call your mom back and tell her you love her." so chandler calls back and is all "i love you mom" and then i guess she asked why and he told her that mr parisi made him and i guess she said "i love him too" ((mr parisi not chandler)) so i laughed. im not sure if he knows i know about this but i dont think it matters. its not my business and apparently nobody wanted me to know anyways. so im gonna be happy. well im in school right now and im about to leave. so byee!

dear dana,
i am happy. happy. happy. happy. do you want to know why?

"not really."
okay, i thought you'd want to know. me and dillon are back together. or... "together." whatever. let's not get technical. i bet you're just dying to know how it happened aren't you?

well, i was on the computer. and i had facebook open and blogger open. so i was reading people's blogs and listening to owl city when my facebook page pings.

dillon: hey

me: hi

ya know, boring stuff.

we talk for a minute.

dillon: it's 11:11 make a wish

me: those wishes never come true

dillon: sometimes they do. you never know.

me: i've been wishing for the same thing for the past 6 months and i still don't have it.

dillon: and that is?

me: you.

*dillon is offline*

*phone rings*

i bet you can't even guess who it was, can you?

"uh duh, i know. it was dillon the douche."

you're right. it was. and over the course of a few hours, we said "i love you" so many times it's insane. we have 19 days of not being together to make up for.
.....i'm happy, danerzzz. oh so happy. because i have him back. :]

dear caty,
i have a really cute purple zebra print shirt! it kinda makes my boobs look big. but then again, what shirt doesnt? luckily my bracelet of confidence has not fallen off yet. i think its on its way though. yesterday i took a day off from school. it was fun. i pampered myself and the house. i cleaned *gasp!* yes, i actually cleaned. then today i went to school and everyone said they missed me! also i befriended chandler yesterday. i think its better this way. i dont have to ignore him when i know hes right there and stuff. it may be a little hard at times if he annoys me but i think i can stay strong and not do anything mean. i had ice cream in school today. a whole ice cream sundae! it was yummy. i ate it with Brittney )(if its spelled with 'ney' its edelman)), Amari, and Rhodesia.
i have 3 boys who are not related to me in my house. but im not excited. they are william, matt and nate. im really bored. this week has been very boring except for wednesday and thursday. those 2 days were fun. as you said about wednesday we went to the mall. but you left out one tiny detail. WE CHASED GEESE! i totally almost wrote cheese... >.< how dumb would i sound hahahah "WE CHASED CHEESE!" haha like the person. o.O creepers. anywho... i have to go to my daddys house sunday and monday which depresses me greatly cuz he might make me go to syracuse to see my grandrents. yes caty, the one with 3 toes.
blahh blahhh blahhh blahhh blahhh. byeee!

Forever ++ Always,
Dana

dear dana,

this weekend i'll be spending time with both of my bestest friends. on saturday, i'm having a picnic with sophie. there will be an hour or half an hour in there that i'll be with her and zoe though. which is okay, though. now that zoe isn't with nasty pedophilic trevor, she's not so horrible. then on sunday, you will be joining us! and then you're sleeping over sunday night because you don't have school on monday. but, i probably will.

"you'll have school?!"

yes, dana. i'll have school. i have to study for finals so i can pass. oh, by the way. i found these sights that show you the entire layout of the tests. would you like help cheating or are you such a genius you know you've got the tests in the bag?

yesterday was wednesday. you and me went to the mall because we're cool like that. i swore i wasn't going to spend any money. i came home with $1.27 or so. yeah, i suck with money.

so, i've had a good week. i've barely thought about dillon at all. i think i've officially stopped the stupid long letter to him....

it sucks. i've managed to block him out of my mind, but anytime he's online, i still wish he'd talk to me. and i know he won't...ever. i know he doesn't care. he's made it very obvious. but i hate it and it sucks.

i think i might tie up some loose ends. i might go see trevor. i know i have some unfinished business there and some things that need to be said and i need to get out there and say it so he can go to iraq and blow shit up and i can forget he was ever in my life-- actually, i can't forget he was ever in my life. i promised him once that i wouldn't. so now i can't. i'm not allowed to and i'm incapable.

anyways.....

dear caty,
i went to the lilac festival. i had fun. i got $2 for rolling down a hill there. good times. it was fun because i wasnt alone. i had kelly with me. shes funny. we'd be walking and she would randomly tap someone on the shoulder and they would look around and stuff. i laughed a lott. we didnt have enough money for all of us to get dindin... so my daddy ate the rest of kelly and lisas food which was plenty. im not a big fan of lilacs. im not a big fan of any flower though.
i think i should be scene haha. i'd be a really cool scene. i dont think i could pull it off though. so i wont try. i cant wait till next year. im kinda nervous because ill be going to school with people i havnt seen in forever and i wont know the building at all! it should be fun though.
my teeth dont hurt as much now. but i think im growing in a molar or something. in the one spot in the back of my mouth it feels like the gum is slowing ripping open so thats my guess. im not sure though.
... caty, something is wrong with me. i'm not PMSing but im being like emotional or something. idk. and its ugh. i dont like chandler. and im like trying to piss him off on purpose. and i cant help it. its like, i dont like him, but i want him to like me. i dont want him to like other people. i dont want him to hug or kiss other people. i dont want him being besties with other people. but i think thats mad selfish of me. so im letting it all happen. im letting you guys be besties. im letting him hang out with us because id feel bad if i made it so he couldnt. even though i so badly wanna say no i dont want him there, just to piss him off. but that would be mean. im not mad at him or anything. and i dont understand this at all. its so confusing. maybe its because i dont like him, but i love him and dont want to picture him with someone else, being happy with someone else. blahh im rambling on about stupid stuff.

im a stupid little girl. i need helppp.

Forever ++ Always,

Dana

Dear Dana,

I'm sad I haven't been to the lilac festival yet.

Actually, wait wait. no i'm not. I really don't care. Everyone thinks it's so cool but all it is is the scent of fried dough(that is delicious though) and kettle corn overpowering the scent of the lilacs. Which smell lovely, by the way. I have a vase of them sitting next to me at the desk. I mean, on the desk. Not that they pulled up a chair and are sitting next to me.

I took a nice picture of the ones in my backyard. They're under my bedroom window so I just stuck my camera out and zoomed in on them. Would you like to see the picture? I don't care. I'm going to show you anyways.

There it is. That's a horrible picture, isn't it? That just sucks. I wish grandpa hadn't chopped them all off the tree/bush. Whatever it is.
Tomorrow, you're coming over! We're going to play outside and blow bubbles and draw with sidewalk chalk. I'm going to draw a whale. It will be pretty and blue. And then I'm going to take a picture of it.
I also think this weekend, we should do another photoshoot for our blog because the pictures on the blog header are old. And my hair is sooo much better right now. It's beasting.
We also might go to this coffee house called Boulder Coffee Co. It looks really pretty in there and it has wifi! Wait...how does that help us? We have no laptops! Nevermind then, I guess.

dear caty,
alrighty thenn. umm i've been told that im very photogenic. i think its true. i absolutely love my braces. but right now they hurt like hell. gah. anywho um i really have no news for youu. you know everythingg. hmm... i wanna change myself. i wanna be one of those artsy peoples. who appreciates art and music and stuff. and i wanna go to those cute little artsy shops and stuffs haha. ill take you to spot coffee sometime and we can get that one drink i had... i dont remember the name of it right now but it was mad gooooooood. ummmmm i like taking pictures! maybe i should be a photographer when i get older. i was gonna say something... then i forgot... then i remembered! and now i forgot again. hmm... anywayss. im prettier then brandon! did you know thatt? its true. and umm... i still dont remember what i was gonna sayyy. lalalalala. ohh i remember again! you and sophie are setting me up on a blind date? hha yuhh. and um yeahh. byes!

~danaaaa

dear dana,

i'm sorry i haven't written you lately. i was working on making my blog prettier and i got an idea for a new story. i even thought of a name for it. it's going to be called "a definite possibility." but i can't tell you what it's about because it's confidential between me and the voices in my head--oh wait, you ARE in my head. yeah, i'm still not gonna tell you right yet. hmm...i think i may change my blog name to that too. because the name i have now is about dillon and...
well, things aren't too good with me and dillon. i mean, they aren't getting worse. well, they are. but they're quietly getting worse. it sucks. but i'm over being sad about it. now i just figure, if he doesn't want to make the effort neither do i. i'm going to go out and find new guys and maybe, someday we'll end up together. but if we don't, i'm not going to worry about it.
this saturday, gma's bff, karen is coming over. i'm going to invite you to sleep over too! and if you do we're gonna play with sidewalk chalk and blow bubbles.
"yay!!! bubbles!"
i know, dana. i know.
but i haven't asked you if you wanna sleep over yet. i forgot to. so, dana....do you wanna sleep over this weekend?
and how have you been in all this time we haven't talked since your last letter to me?

dear caty,
yesterday was the most fun day i've had since monday. it all started off with me going to school. not very fun but whatevs. after school i walked to your house. also not fun. but when i finally got to your house we watched TV and made ourselves pretty. we were wearing matching shirts. yours, an all turquoise ish color tank top. mine, a white and turquoise tube top. then we went and got jessica. she wasnt matching haha. then we went to GVP for a baseball game and met up with brittany, brandon, josh, and cristian. it was a miracle because brittany was being nice... to all of us. so im pretty sure we're all friends now ish. and not too long later james showed up. we all hung out for a few hours, not actually watching the baseball game going on. after a while britt, brandon, josh, and cristian left. so james hung out with me, you and jess. i braided his hair. then he left. then when the game was finally over the stupid kids were gonna get in a fight. so we sat there mocking them and thats when i saw it! the most gorgeous smile in the whole wide world! he shall be my future beau. his name is xavier? hes a junior. hes number 15 on the team. and hes gorgeous. he was smiling at us because we mocked everyone. then he came up to us and asked us to tell numbers 20 and 22 on the SOTA team that they were bitched. i relayed the message to number 14 on the SOTA team, dillon. dillon, the whole entire reason we went to this game. for you of course. me and jessica gave you a few minutes of private time and after 6 months of not seeing eachother, he didnt kiss you. im sorry. hes dillon the douche. what do you expect? so then we walked to the corner and these guys waved at us. they were quite cute. then we went to jessicas house and hung out, had a sword fight, and ate. then we went back to your house, without jessica of course. we were on the computer and the phone with channy for a few house. channy was being stupid. then he fell asleep? we will never know. then we went to sleep and got woken up in the morning and i had to leave :[
but i was supposed to go to my gs house today but im not sure if im gonna because my gpa is in the hospital and you laughed about it. you're such a meannnn person :p
yeahh. idk what else to say now. so byees.


~dana

Dear Dana,
I think it's done. He wouldn't even listen to me when I tried to tell him how unhappy I am. He didn't even care. I tried to explain that I was miserable and why wasn't he trying to fix it. He signed off on me. He just....wouldn't deal with it.
I think that's what's the worst. He doesn't care anymore. When he used to upset me, he tried to make it better. He didn't do what I wanted, but he tried sweet-talking me and didn't want me to cry. Now, he just doesn't care. He just stopped caring. And it's killing me.
I feel horrible. I can barely see through the tears. I can barely breathe because my nose is so stuffed up. You know I had guy issues before? Well, this is different. And now if someone ever asks me if heartbreak is as bad as it sounds, I can say it's worse and know what I'm talking about.
I don't know what to do now. I can't stop crying. I can't stop thinking about it. And thinking about it just makes it hurt worse. Which makes me cry harder, and the more I cry the more I remember why I'm crying which makes it hurt worse. It's like a neverending circle. And I don't know when it will ever end. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up until it doesn't hurt anymore, ya know?

Pathetically yours,
Caty.

EDIT: Dear Dana,
You may ignore the contents of this entire letter.

dear caty,
long time no letter. yes i remember your fifteenth birthday. what a fun time that was. i remember eating cheese cake and ice cream. ooh and tacos! yumm. and watching Jonas and wizards of waverly place. and i remember what happened not long after that. my best friend had her heart crushed into a million pieces. it was a sad time in her life. i tried helping her through it the best i could. but you know, im not that good at giving advice or making people feel better. but i tried. and im hoping she feels better. i've been telling her for a while to just dump him and get it other with. hes a bad guy. and its probably true. but i realized its not that easy when you're in love. like you said, just look at me and chandler. i probably should have dropped him months ago. but no. because i love him. and im not sure when we're officially going to "end". i understand that it is so hard to get over someone. i remember the first time billy broke up with me. the first time ever someone broke up with me. i cried for days. i really do think i loved that boy. but is it really possible to love at the age of 12 when its your first boyfriend? im not sure but it took forever to get over him. i still think about him now every now and then. i think that if dillon isnt right for you, and chandler isnt right for me, then something will happen so that we get separated. this may be yours. nobody said it would be easy. but you'll be fine in a bit. im sure of it. you're probably the strongest person i know. so i know you can get through it.
b-t-dubbs my lips are chapped and they hurt >.< and my shoulder hurts really badd.

ihy!
~dana

Dear Dana,
It's may. I haven't written you a letter yet in may. I'm sorry.
Over the weekend I was caught up in my birthday. I turned fifteen on saturday. My bestie Dana was with me.
And then on monday....well, things went bad. And now I'm sad. (Ohh, I rhymed.) See, things went bad with Dillon. And heaven knows, I'm miserable now. It seems like everytime I talk to him he tries to make it better but all he does is make it worse.
I don't know what to do about it. And I haven't felt up to talking about it, so I haven't asked anyone for advice. That might be because I don't want advice. I just want to go back in time and make it never happen. But I'm not magic and I'm not Hermonie Granger. So I can't. What's done is done and I should probably just get over it and tell him I'm done. But well, you know it's not that simple. Just look at you and Chandler.
So that's it. I just thought I'd update you.

Caty