dear caty,
yes i got the message on facebook but i have yet to ask my mom. im sure she'll say i can go though. and i sorta wish you werent having a party because... wait for it... i was gonna throw you a surprise party! i had it all planned out and eveything. but no caty wants to throw her own party :[ so whatevs! lol.
and is danny really acting that way? cuz i cant picture him acting like that but thats probably because i hardly know him. but he doesnt seem like he would do that. why is her so jerkishh?! and im glad you're excited! you should be, its your birthday! haha my friend was gonna shoot me yesterday cuz i said "my birthday is in exactly 9 months!" lmao.
hahahah the cupcake thing sounds awesome! i cant waitt! proof that im a genius? howw? lol. and it took me a while to get how 16 school is symbolism but then i got it! cuz its 16 school and you're turning 16. haha. see i am a genius!
i am good! like always. i was gonna tell you how my break went but you can just read my blog if you havnt already. anywhooo... i dont wanna go out with delmar or anything anymore because i hung out with aaron so much over break i started liking him more. and he did too. and im like 99.9% sure hes gonna ask me out tomorrow and my response will be yes. lol. so um yeahh lifes good.  hope it is for you as well. :]

i hump youu!
-dana

dear dana,

my birthday is on sunday! i'm really excited. i'm not usually so excited for birthdays, but maybe it's just because it's my sixteenth. i couldn't decide if i wanted a party or anything. first, i did. then, i didn't. then i wanted to have a sleepover with a bunch of girls. then, i decided i wouldn't be able to handle a bunch of girls all night. and then, i decided to just have my favorite people over. you, jess, danny and steve. i don't know if you saw the message yet(but you should have!) and i think you should definitely come over, duhh. and you should definitely bring apples to apples with you.

i know steve will come over, and i know jess is coming over. but i don't think danny wants to :/ steve told him i wanted him to come over and he groaned and was all exasperated about it. so i'm pretty sure he just thinks he's too good to hang out with me, even for my birthday. but whatever, i'm not going to let him being a jerk put a damper on the fact that i'm really excited.

oh, and also....my mom's making cupcakes. so we're gonna go behind 16 school(symbolism!) and throw cupcakes at the door and play the game they did on iCarly! :D proof that you're a genius.

how are you, oh dana one?

i hump youuuu

-caty

dear caty,
it would have been more fun if i thought we were taking a bus to your house and then we end up somewhere where i dont know where i am and im all "where the fuck are we?!" hahah but this works too. it sounds uber fun :]
i cant wait!

-dana

dear dana,

so tomorrow...me and jess have articulated a plan. you and me, after the dos rally and dance, are going to catch a bus to northstar, and go to the funn event they're having. with food and games and a speaker and jess sucking at softball. and then the three of us are going to have a slumber party. sounds like a plan, right? right. just thought you should know.

-caty

dear caty,
i remember that commercials. i like those commercials. i dont see them much anymore. and yes i remember the hoodie and i think us 3 should get together and make them together! itd be bestie above the influence bonding time!
i dont think anything will happen with delmar. i went on his facebook page to write him a message and i saw him talking to this girl. and they were talking about how this other girl is taking to delmar to prom at her school. and it says hes in a relationship but i wasnt sure if that was just cuz he didnt change it or idk. so i messaged him saying "i heard people told you stuff today in your french class. so what did anyone tell you?" and no response so far. but now that i found out aaron used to like me... it kinda makes me still like him. like because it means i do have a chance. and i dont think im really being fickle... im just going with what i can get. if i like a guy but he doesnt like me, why stay stuck on him? and yeah you're only 15 and you've had 3 serious relationships. im not sure if id like that or not though because since you're so young you might be heart broken more... which im pretty sure you have been... and thats not good. but you learn from it so idkk. lol. and when me and your brother were just friends i just really liked talking to him. idk why but whenever i texted him no matter how i was feeling, i would just get happy. and he wasnt like chandler where flirting was just being alll extra sweet. he was like me where flirting was being mean in a nice way. like "haha you're soo lame." and stuff like that. im not sure if its weird for me to talk to you about your brother like that and if it is we dont have to talk about him ever again lol.
now onto you! im not a great talker... well i dont think i am. im not good about confronting people. i have two ideas in my  head. 1, you could talk to him. just tell him how you feel and make him feel bad. tell him you miss him and it hurts you to not be with him more. or 2, play his game. tell him you "might" be able to go somewhere and then do something else. make him feel how you feel. some people might see choice 2 as bad but in my mind its not. its a way to show him just how you're feeling. so you can choose one of those or do something else. i hope things work out though.

-dana

dear dana,

you shouldn't feel like a loser. that's why i wanted to make those hoodies for you me and jess. remember the above the influence ones? cuz there's the commercial, where the guys got this huge mountain of t-shirts on and they all say things on them, like...well, i don't remember now. but the last one just said something like "free." and he put his hoodie on and put the hood up and it had the arrow in a circle symbol on the back of it. and i wanted to make us those hoodies. i think i will. because with all the stuff we're starting to be surrounded by more and more, we need the reminder i think. wow, that was a huge rambling. anyway, i'm sorry about what's going down with zoe. it sucks :/

that makes sense that you try to pursue everyone atleast a little bit to make sure that you don't miss out on an opportunity. so good luck with delmar, but if it doesn't work out, don't worry. you'll find someone good for you eventually. i think i've either been a lot luckier in love than most people, or i just fall for people harder than most people. cuz i've had three serious relationships, and that's a lot for kids our age. so...not that i like hearing good things about my brother cuz ya know...he's my brother, but what did you see in him?

i hope for your sake that zoe is straight :p and yeah, i saw that one. but that wasn't necessarily from the pot she smoked, the pot just made her forget to take her insulin or something like that cuz she was so out of it. but i know what you mean none the less. and i addressed that up there. ^^^

so on to caty (ahhh, being conceited rocks.) i'm having steve issues again :/ actually, the same steve issues. where he doesn't spend enough time with me and i'm so dependent on him that it tears me up and makes me fall apart. and he's started blowing me off, except i can't even call it that cuz he makes vague half-plans like "i'll try to come over tomorrow night and stay the night" or "maybe i'll have my parents drop me off after my tennis match" and then never comes over. and....ughhh. it's driving me insane. i know i need to talk to him, but i'm bad at confronting him. do you think there's any other way i could handle this?

-caty

dear caty,
i hump you. and when i knew zoe for the past 3 years i never would have expected her to be like this. its really ever sense she dated zak that shes changed. it makes me feel like a loser when a ton of people i know are doing this and that but im not just gonna do it to be the same. because thats stupid.
and im gonna message delmar on facebook asking what they said to him and does he believe it and stuff like that. im not a good talker in person. and i do like a bunch of guys... but its because i want to have a lot of feelings for someone. i want a relationship that will last a long time. but i dont have a clue who it'd be with. so if i happen to get a crush on a guy i try to see if it'll turn into anything. obviously nothing has so far except chandler who wasnt even that long termed. and i actually thought my relationship with your brother would have lasted longer but i was wrong.
and zoe isnt a lesbian... yet. shes straight. but she said she'd have a 3 some with amanda and someone else. but that doesnt make her a lesbian... idk. maybe if she gets no boyfriends she'll turn into one.
and i was watching degrassi, a new-er one. where emma is in college and she smoked pot and one of her friends passed out from it and was in the hospital. like i dont wanna end up like that. it isnt good for anyone.

dear dana,
so in english today, we interpretted this quote. it said that a young person's friends determine the type of person they are. i don't remember the exact quote. but see, if your friends do bad things like smoke pot and drink and have sex with people they barely know, eventually you'll give into peer pressure and become the same type of person. and since zoe hangs out with kids who do stupid shit like that, she does too and will turn into someone just like them.
that's why i stay away from people who smoke pot and stuff like that. i don't wanna be like that, and it makes me uncomfortable to really even be around. so i think it's understandable that you question your friendship with zoe because she's doing that stuff. you're not that bad type of kid, and that doesn't make you a party pooper. that makes you too smart and mature to do things that you know are bad for you.
so now that big mouth ninth graders have told delmar that you like him, do you know if he likes you? i think you should find that out. maybe i just think you like a lot of guys cuz i've been with the same one for about 5 months and i don't like anyone else. so it's a lot compared to how many different guys i like. but if you find someone you really like, i'm happy for you. i just think you're being silly and fickle with all these boys that you don't have any real feelings for. so they're probably not worth the time you're giving them. well maybe no one likes zoe cuz she's weird and wishes she were lady gaga. ya know...just sayin'. if i were a dude, i'd find that verrryyyyy unattractive. also! it doesn't surprise me that zoe madeout with a girl. didn't we always suspect that she was a lesbian? maybe she's just living up to her potential.
i agree that people are stupid. with all the pot smokers and drinkers and fighters. they're like "oh look at me, i'm so cool and mature" when in reality they're just fucking up their bodies and ruining things for themselves instead of being smart.

-caty

dear caty,
oh goodness, i kinda have a lot to tell you. oh where to start... ok i guess ill start with zoe.
i know this is none of my or your business but i need to tell someone and you're the only one i can think of to tell who doesnt know zoe like that. so she went to a snoop dog concert with her friend amanda and amandas bf jake. i guess jake thinks its hot for two girls to make out... so zoe and amanda made out. also i guess one of amandas friends is a dealer so zoe also smoked pot. she texted me at first not telling me what she did and she said "it was bad, but fun!" and im just like disappointed in her. like shes not good with peer pressure at all. and i think amandas a bad influence on zoe. but zoe would never listen to me if i told her that. she thinks im just a party pooper i guess. like when she went out with zak. and she was gonna have sex with him after dating for like 3 months. (they also hadnt known eachother that long). i want to be friends with her but if she starts doing stupid shit, i just cant deal with all that.
ok moving on to the boy situation. i know i like a lot of boys... im sorry lol. so i found out the other day that aaron used to like me too! but he likes someone else now. but delmar is lovely. i love him! but chandler told me that zoes friends told him i liked him... so i asked zoe and she said that they were saying that i flirt with delmar and stuff so then they guessed that i liked him and i guess zoe made a face and so they believed i did and told him. after hearing that i could feel my face heating up. i heard that when your face heats up, you're blushing... so i might have been blushing... idk. but anywhoo... so i felt weird talking to delmar so i looked at him a few times but didnt say anything. and then i left.
and i told zoe how aaron used to like me and she said "why do all these guys like youu! and none like me." and i didnt even realize that and i said "really? well people like you more as a friend" and she said "thats because you talk about everyone" and i asked who and she said cheyenne and andral (which are two of her school friends) and the paragraph above shows why i dont like them and would talk about them. they talk about me. like seriously zoe just doesnt know how to pick friends. they're all bad influences on her and i dont wanna sound like the "im a virgin and never smoked and am innocent" type but its what i am. it doesnt make me uncool or anything. i dont see why people have to be so stupid.
this is long. sorry. just had a lot on my mind.

-dana

dear dana,

well, delmar sounds like a lovely person. you like too many people though. and you're going to give me whiplash with all these people.

-caty

dear caty,
delmar is adorable. and hes soo funny. like you can ask anyone who knows him. and we got "married" last week so ever since we've been all couple-ish. like we're joking but i like it. i have 9th period with him and he blew me a kiss on friday. and then he hugged me and aaron, remember him, yeah well he hit me and so i was like "delmar, aaron hit me" and he came over and was like "did you just hit my woman?" haha yeahh. so does that answer the question?

dear dana,

why do you like delmar?

-caty

dear caty,
haha that soo could have happened! you never know with trees these days. well anywhoo... yeah id rather have jess be the one touching my boobs... unless the creepy guy was hot. then id prefer him haha.
sooo im giving delmar a note on monday right before i leave saying "i kinda sorta like you. just a little."  and im scurrrred. im not good with telling guys i like them... till after its over and im like oh that wasnt so hard. haha.

-dana

dear dana,

if her mom hit a tree or something, then it would obviously be her own fault. unless the tree was asking for it, or jumped in front of her of course. i see it happen all the time.

anyway, it was the other drivers fault. they were running a red when our light was still yellow. so it was their fault.

you'd probably get the gross old man who would touch your boobs while your strapped down...or jess, who would do the same thing.

-caty

dear caty,
ohh. that sounds pretty scary.im glad danny got in the way so you didnt get hurt too badly. whos fault was it? was it jess' moms fault or was it the other driver? you guys did hit another car right? she didnt just like drive into a tree or anything? lol andd i've never been in an ambulance eitherr. and the ladies sound funny. if i ever get into an accident and am taken in an ambulance i hope my people are funny and not some old gross mean people.

-dana

dear dana,

technically, it was a pretty bad accident. but none of us were badly hurt so that's good. but i would have gone through the windshield if danny hadn't made sure to land so that he stopped me. or atleast hit my head on the dashboard and probably gotten a concussion or something.

jess's mom was like, flipping out. cuz ya know, she's crazy. and even afterwards, the next day. she was yelling at jess "when you get back to school, don't tell anyone what happened. just say we got in an accident and it wasn't my fault. and don't tell anyone you and your friends weren't wearing seatbelts."

i was perfectly fine, cuz thanks to the adrenaline i didn't register that i hit my head until later. but i was only fine until steve was like "you're okay." and i'm like..."am i not okay? i feel okay." and danny gave me this look like i had 12 heads and steve just goes "don't say anything, danny." so they freaked me out and had me convinced that i had a huge gash on my head and there was blood gushing from it or something like that. i wanted to punch them when i found out it was only swollen. they made me think it was so much worse.

the ambulance ride was fun though. the lady-ambulance-doctor-person was cool. she was making jokes the whole time. and she asked me where i went to school, and i said east and the other girl in the with me goes "do i know you? i went to east." and i go "i don't know, i can't see you." and she's like "yeah, i can't see you either." and later, the lady asked me if steve was my boyfriend cuz he stayed with me. and i said yeah, and i guess he turned around cuz she goes "turn around. we're not talking about you." and i said "i love you" to him, and he said it back. and the lady goes to the driver "hey dean. we love you dean...oh ladies, i think we made him blush."

so that was fun.

and i'm not telling you how to make donuts.

-caty

dear caty,
ohmigosh! im assuming everyones ok sense you said they only have bruises and you have a black eye but ohmigod! i've never gotten into a car accident before so im not sure what to think or say. was it bad? were you scared? what happened? like explainn! dood if you guys died or something id like cry my eyes out! and also... explain how you make donuts. lol.
so im glad you're ok! byee

-dana

p.s. i like delmar.

dear dana,

so wednesday night, me, jess, steve and danny were going to this church thing.

and we got into a car accident.

i've got the black eye to prove it and everyone else has bruises. so needless to say...

we didn't manage to get to the church thing.

the end.

no lie.

oh, and jess's mom's car is totalled but she doesn't want us to say so even though the entire front end is bashed in.

and the right headlight was on the ground.

-caty

dear caty,
oh. haha.
im not sure why i didnt like it. it just seemed weird. idk. maybe cuz it just wasnt my type of movie. kinda the same with where the wild things are. i enjoyed it... but it definitely isnt one of my favorites. idkk. and i was reading that and i thought it said "me and jess ate her house" lmao i was like wait whatt?! hahah. and i reallly like new moon when i saw it in theaters. but now that ive seen it about 4 times, its kinda boring haha. did jess like it?
ohmigoshh! so tell me more about this steve guy you likee. haha. im kidding... you dont actually have to tell me anything about him... unless you want to? lol. haha and delmar is such a fatty, yes. it was funny cuz zoe was all "delmar, you're my best friend right?" and he was like "danas my best friend." i felt all special :] and then i was leaving and he was like "bye wife!" and i was like byee. haha.
:)

-dana

dear dana,

an epiphany is a realization that changes your life, whether momentarily or forever. so, that's how it's an epiphany. since last night, my life is changed. well...it's been changed for quite some time. but now it's obvious to me, and i finally realize it. so that's how it's an epiphany.

you didn't like it? why not? i really liked it. i thought it was done up well, and was freaky, but cool. for easter, me and jess ate at her house and came to my house to watch new moon. i did not enjoy that cuz i hated new moon, but my mom got it for me for easter, and jess wanted to see it.

well, if you're realllyyyy wondering. i'll tell you who i like. there's this kid named steve, and i reallyyyyy realllyyyyy reallyyyy like him. like, a ton. so that's who i like.

and i am soooo happy for you and delmar. he's such a fatty though, eating the ring you gave him. gosh.

-caty

dear caty,
i dont see how thats an epiphany... although its probably just my lack of knowing what an epiphany is.  so explain please haha. uhmm... i dont have much to say. me and zoe saw alice in wonderland. i didnt think it was all that great. but we had fun haha. anddd i went to syracuse for easterr. whatd you doo? andd yeah school is school. and i still like corey, which is weird because i dont talk to him like thatt much and i never see him. but besides him i dont like anyone else. i would ask who you like... but thatd be a very stupid question. lol anywhoo... me and delmar got married! because he was just saying we were bffs and then i had a ring on my left hand ring finger and so he said we were married. and then someone asked why he didnt have a ring and i said he ate it so theres a part of me inside of him. and then he said "woah thats what she said" hahah. so um yeahh.
kay bye :]

-dana

dear dana,

i'm sorry i haven't written in awhile. and i'm writing this in a hurry because it's right before i need to leave for school.

to update you on my life, let me tell you that i talked to dillon last night. like...really talked to him. sometimes we talk, but they're brief. and last night, i spent over an hour on the phone with him. there were some tears--from both of us, if you can believe it. and a lot of confessing. and...it actually made me feel better. i've been dealing with the weight of dillon for a year and a half, and i don't think it's completely gone, but he made me realize something last night: when we had our thing going on, we were both in really bad places. it took me till now, to look back at myself a year ago and realize it. i was a mess. i had yet to pull my shit together and stop doing whatever it was i was doing, or start doing what i should have been doing.

and that's an epiphany! i. was. a. fucking. mess. and now, i'm not. partially thanks to him, in fact. so...idk. i just thought i needed to share that with someone. write it down, before the epiphany flew out of my head.

-caty